“Fatherhood could be an adventure or a drudgery”
A first-time dad talks about his experience of fatherhood
Rudra was born to Manjiri and Akshay a few days before the lockdown in 2020. As is usual, life has changed for both. COVID-19 added to the challenges. Their world is centred around the baby and everything else is secondary. A first-time father, Akshay talks about his experience of juggling life and fatherhood.
How prepared were you to be a father?
I thought I was prepared but, honestly speaking when I look back, I think I was not fully prepared. I had many experienced folks around me and that was my biggest support. I also believe, I learnt on the go. Bathing, feeding and diaper changing are the three biggest things I learnt on my own.
What was your first reaction when you took your baby into your hands?
When I held my baby for the first time, there was a surge of emotions. Although I have held a few babies, this felt something special. Too difficult to compare it with anything and close to impossible to describe in words. At best, I can describe it as magical.
What are the things that take more of your time daily now?
He is learning to walk and falls very often. Someone must be around all the time. Many times, that is me. Also, I now have to spend a lot of time cleaning the mess around, cleaning him after meals and taking him out in his pram.
Has your outlook towards life changed since the time the little one walked into your life?
Yes, it certainly has. Here is what I have learnt:
Life is uncertain but equally miraculous.
The way we transform from a single cell to who we are today is unbelievable.
Just like I was born to my parents, my son was born to us. He will grow up and have kids. The cycle continues. We have an inherent desire to procreate and pass on our genes. It is there in all the species and the same is with us.
How do you support your wife with the baby while she is working?
We try to distribute the work. The house cleaning part and some baby chores are done by me. I take him out for a walk, entertain him, bathe him and feed him. All baby products shopping is done by me. We work as a team, so things become easier to manage.
How do you manage work and social life?
There is a drastic change in my work and social life. My son was born a few days before the lockdown was announced and he had jaundice at birth. We had to prolong the stay at the hospital. I had not taken a single day leave and I was working from the hospital. For me, this was challenging but equally adventurous. For me, social life did get impacted because the priorities changed, the number one being my baby. Overall, I am able to maintain a balance of work, baby and social life.
What were the mistakes you made and what you would do differently today?
Overthinking is a very big mistake. God has a plan and let the plan reveal itself. We both overthought about the well-being of the baby despite everything being normal. Today, I have learnt from it and stopped overthinking as it only increases chronic stress.
What would be your advice to would-be fathers?
Fatherhood is amazing. It will be an adventure or a drudgery depending on the way you look at it. There is more to learn than to teach. Make sure you keep discovering new things about your child every single day and most importantly, spend a lot of time with your child.
Akshay Ankalikar is a business development and marketing professional working for a digital marketing agency in Navi Mumbai. He is also a fitness enthusiast and runs a blog called Anatomy of Fitness. You can connect with Akshay on LinkedIn.
#GoodRead A Guide for Working (From Home) Parents from Harvard Business Review