I was away from my new-born baby for four months and…
Following the Indian tradition, my wife and my new-born baby girl were sent to my in-laws for the initial few months. Not bothered by what was to come, I chose to enjoy my few months of alone time. I would visit my wife and baby every weekend and come back home for the week. This went on for four months.
I had plenty of time for myself. Friends, party, loafing and idling, those were some days I say. Though I was enjoying my quiet, I noticed my weekend visits were not evoking any response from my baby. In fact, she did not care. Many days she did not react. And on a few when she did, she treated me like any other person – Oh hello, new man in the house. I started getting nervous. As a first-time father, I was bothered by these many thoughts that came rushing to me every time she behaved indifferently. Will my girl ever have a bond with me? Will she know that I do care? Have I lost as a father already? I noticed she had an excellent bond with my wife. But that was okay I said, aren’t babies attached to their mothers? What really got me worrying was her special bond with my mom-in-law. My baby played, responded and went to sleep at peace with my mom-in-law.
I knew it was just me who could bring my baby closer to me. I tried a host of things and if you are a father who has similar issues, these are just some ways in which you can create a bond with your baby.
Wear fancy colourful clothes
Babies love colours. I wore my brother’s fluorescent coloured tacky t-shirt with crazy designs and writings on it. It was completely not me. But it worked. She spent a lot of time analysing it, asking me questions, telling me the tales of what is happening on my t-shirt and of course finding that one particular spot which she keeps coming back to. It helped her get comfortable with me. She got knowing me up and close. It was delightful.
Spend an entire day with her
Sounds easy but is not so. Your baby does not need a daddy who just plays with her when he has time. She needs constant attention, which makes this a very tough job. There is a lot happening in her life right now. She must wake up, get massaged, get bathed, get dressed, organise thoughts, pee, poo, get cleaned and do a ton of things. Yes, these are too many for her as she literally did nothing when she was inside her mom. This is an entirely new world, and she is still gathering her head around how to manage stuff. By spending an entire day with her, you will be able to connect to her small but amazing world – how does it work, how tiny things matter and most importantly, and how can you be a part of it.
Put her to sleep
This is the most amazing thing you can do to make a connection. However, this will happen only once she trusts you, which again will take time. Putting your baby to sleep is the time when you connect with her physically and emotionally. Learn a couple of rhymes or songs. Just the first 2 stanzas are enough. Cannot sing? Then just hum. Getting her to sleep can sometimes be very trying, but there is a sense of huge satisfaction once you do that. It is an achievement and will make you confident of how to make things up with her.
Try learning a word from her
Okay, I know this sounds crazy. Why and how do you learn from a baby when she is hardly able to talk? Well, this is about engagement and not learning. This new word does not exist on earth. It could be anything that she says while trying to communicate with you or anyone else. Like I learnt this word ‘boay’. Not the boy or buoy, but boay. What does it mean? Nothing. But it has a nice sound to it. And so, I learnt it and repeated it after her. And I did it again and again, till she started laughing. There you go, there’s the connection. This little unique word is your identifier for her. Try it out.
We all have unique ways to connect with our babies. Some work, some do not. However, trying is what makes the difference.
How did you build a connection with your baby? Share it with us in the comments section.
Happy Daddying!