"Just like mothers, fathers too know their way with kids"
This Mother’s Day, a mother of two talks about fatherhood and her expectations from her partner
Mother – the epitome of love, care, affection and selflessness. For my motherland, Maa ki mamta and Maa ke haath ka khaana are some phrases that we attribute to mothers highlighting the pivotal role they play in our lives and the society at large. Their influence has shaped us from the time we were born, and their experiences and beliefs have made us what we all are today. While mothers do their bit to bring us up, it is important that they get the much-needed mental, physical and emotional support from their partners. As a father and a husband, I have been curious to know what mothers want from their partners. So, this Mother’s Day, I spoke to a mother to find out just that.
Ishita Rahul is a mother of two beautiful girls aged six and eight months. A textile designer, Ishita is now on parenting sabbatical. She resides in Copenhagen, Denmark, with kids and her husband Rahul Radhakrishnan, an IT solutions architect.
How has your experience as a mother been so far?
Being a mother of two, I would say the journey has been arduous. Being a mother is the single most important role any woman will ever play in the life of another human. It comes with things like lack of sleep, staying up even when you are sick, keeping most of your mood swings and emotions to yourself and so many other things. But when I see the little creatures that I made crawling and running, talking and laughing, cuddling and kissing, screaming and crying, I cannot imagine anything without them. So many things are important to me but being a mother brings purpose to my life. Nothing more is important or valuable for me than that.
Coming to your husband, how active is he as a father?
Well, I do not tell him this, but he is as active as I am when it comes to kids. He has taken an equal part in waking up at night, changing diapers, helping me with the kids’ morning and bedtime routine and taking care of them single-handed as well. Many might not believe this but this is the true story of my house.
Do you think the definition of fatherhood has changed over time?
Oh, I definitely do and it has changed in a good way. I like how our society is changing from being a male-dominated society to giving equal opportunities to women in every field. I think over time, men have understood how important their role is as fathers. When I think about our grandfathers and great grandfathers’ time when women took care of the home and children completely, I am surprised because my house was an entirely different picture. My father spent a lot of time with me, playing, ironing my clothes and even tying my hair. Now, I see my husband doing the same. So, it is even better.
You are a mother today, but you are also a daughter. How has your father influenced you in being the mother that you are today?
This question took me back into my childhood. I cannot remember a time when my father scolded me except for one or two occasions when I was disinterested in my studies. I always excitedly waited for him to come back from work and play with me. He had his own way of telling me things if I was wrong. He had his sense of humour which I enjoyed. He was like a runaway place for me whenever mom scolded me or if I wanted to buy anything. So, over time, I think he became more of a friend although I do go to mom for if I had any problems. But my father is easy-going, fun, more approachable and a go-to person. These are the qualities I have imbibed from my dad and I try to be like that with my kids.
Are there things that your father did that you would want your husband to emulate?
Well, this is something I want my husband to do in his own way. He loves his children more than anyone and does things for them in his own way whether it is perfect or not. But I am sure he would do the best for them. Being a father of two little girls, I feel he is more sensitive towards them. We do have disagreements and I start telling him my father used to do things this way and not your way. But like all mothers know their way with their kids, I am sure fathers do too.
According to you, what are the three must-haves that mothers want from their husbands?
Oh, I think the number should be more than three. Just kidding.
Help managing and taking care of the kids
Know when the mother needs rest mentally and physically and let her have her time
Let the mother know that whatever way she is doing for her kids will always be the best and support her
Is there any advice you would want to give to would-be fathers?
Okay, words of wisdom here. As I said, like all mothers, fathers too find their way with their children. But just like a new mother or a would-be mother, this whole journey of parenthood can be equally overwhelming for a father as well. Having said that, mothers are the ones whose body, mind and everything changes. Of course, fathers do a lot and now a lot more but there is always a bit which mothers do more for the child. After becoming a mother, her hormones will be way out of track so there will be times when fathers are required to show little support and love which will go a long way for her. Just show love and ignore the tantrums and stress as with time it will fade away.
Please remember, for any good relationship, you must try to make it work. Same here, you work with your children throughout. Some methods and some days are good, some are fine and some are worse. But in the end, you know you have tried your best for your kids. You should know that you are making your child's wonderful tomorrow and a memorable past. There is no rulebook for fatherhood or motherhood. You write your own story, your own book.
What is the one thing that you hate and love about your husband as a father?
Being protective. I love it. But I hate it when he is overprotective, which sometimes I feel is not so good.
Ishita tries to take out some time of her busy day to work on her hobby of making and selling art and clay works. You can check out her artifacts out on her Facebook page and connect with her in case you are interested in purchasing them.
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