"Work from home has truly been a blessing"
New father Varun Nagwekar talks about fatherhood, his work-life balance and also has some advice for would-be fathers
Ketaki was born to Nutan and Varun during the first wave of the COVID-19 pandemic. Understandably, it would have been extremely tough. However, both mommy and daddy seem to have easily managed in what could have been a highly challenging period for them.
In this interview, Varun speaks about fatherhood in general, how work from home is a blessing and also has some good advice for would-be fathers.
How prepared were you to be a father?
I would answer this question in two parts – mentally and financially.
Mentally speaking, due to various socio-economic factors, a few years into my marriage, I started leaning more towards being child-free. However, I changed my decision taking into consideration my spouse and family's wishes and desires. Once I took this decision, I was ready and mentally prepared.
Financially, I was and still am not 100% fully prepared. I guess I am paranoid about everything that's happening in the world around me, which is why I would have liked to have ample savings and investments before becoming a father. However, we are not getting any younger by the day, so this is not something that one can delay for long.
What was your first reaction when you took your baby into your hands?
Every individual interacts with a lot of children throughout one's life but having one's own baby is a different experience altogether. Millions of thoughts and emotions race through your mind when you hold them for the first time and it's hard to describe this feeling in a few words. The entire experience is surreal, and nothing really comes close to it.
What are the things that take more of your time daily now?
My wife probably has taken up about 80-90% of the duties and responsibilities of the child, but I do spend a good amount of my time each day assisting my wife, playing with her (the child, not my wife :P), talking and singing and making her laugh - basically entertaining and keeping my child engaged.
How do you manage work and social life?
I define myself as being an ambivert and not much of a social animal, plus with the corona thing I was already being extra cautious and isolating to protect myself and my family. So basically, my social life has not taken much of a hit. But yeah, planning and executing things have become slightly more difficult now and will be for the foreseeable future.
I work in the graveyard shift and do spend time with my child for a few hours in the daytime. However, once evening rolls in, I enter full work mode and am not much attentive during this time as my work keeps me super-busy.
I would say the work-from-home situation has truly been a blessing as it has enabled me to maintain a good balance between work and family life, which would not have been possible otherwise.
What were the mistakes you made and what you would do differently today?
Oh boy… if you ask this question to my spouse, she will be like "sahi kya kiya hai?" Jokes apart - Finance wise, I would have started saving and investing a lot earlier in my life. The cost of raising children is not to be taken lightly and can certainly put a dent in your savings if you do not plan accordingly.
From a relationship standpoint, I would go back and pay much more attention to my spouse's needs and wants. It's not that I do not do it already, however, there were a few instances where some decisions could have been done better. So now when it comes to my child, she is the main decision-maker. No ifs and no buts. Remember guys - a happy wife is a happy life.
Healthwise, I should have paid a visit to my paediatrician much earlier. My first paediatrician visit was when my daughter was 6 months old. Earlier, it was my family doctor and mainly for vaccinations, and even though he is good, I never felt the confidence that I do now.
What would be your advice to would-be fathers?
As stated earlier, do schedule a visit with a good paediatrician. They will say what is right and wrong for your baby. As a small example, apart from breastfeeding, we were also giving diluted cow's milk to my baby. However, our paediatrician advised that providing cow's milk at such a young age could lead to future allergies. So, for the first 12 months, one should only give breast milk primarily and formula milk as supplementary.
Listen to the advice your elders give - but with a pinch of salt. They are without any doubt, caring, knowledgeable and experienced; however, do take into consideration that their advice could be incorrect, outdated and may be harmful for your baby.
Listen to your partners - what they want and what they expect. It may be something small and insignificant for you, but it could be a big deal for them. You may do 99.9% - but that 0.1% that you've missed could become a major cause of friction. Unlike Dettol, you do not have the luxury of leaving that 0.1%.
You may have a lot of questions and doubts on a daily basis while you are raising your baby. Note them down as you come across them so that you do not forget them during your paediatrician visit.
Raising children needs a huge amount of investment and commitment and is definitely a time sink. There is no going back once a child is born. So, be 100% sure that this is what you want and are ready to make sacrifices.
During pregnancy, carry out all the tests as recommended by your doctor. Do not be negligent and do not have the "chalta hai" "kuch nahi hoga" attitude. One mistake or negligence could prove to be very costly.
Apart from your mother tongue and local languages, try to communicate in English as well so that they are fluent with the language from the very beginning.
Take plenty of pictures and videos and create beautiful memories. Maybe invest in a good DSLR if you can :)
#PaternityLeave Dads should be given the same parental leave as mums by The Guardian. We all agree, don’t we?